At the annual finance club meeting, a mutual fund statement asked for the microphone. “I’ve been diversified for years,” it said. “My jokes are spread across sectors.” The audience groaned, which the fund recorded as a low-risk response.
Its first joke was about an investor who checked returns every five minutes. “He called it long-term investing,” the fund said, “because the five minutes felt long.” The room laughed. The fund’s NAV rose by one imaginary point.
Encouraged, it tried a story about a man who bought a fund after hearing his barber say, “This one will grow.” The man returned a month later to complain that his investment had not grown a full beard. Even the cautious accountant laughed, then asked whether the joke had been benchmarked.
The fund’s manager whispered, “Don’t promise returns. Keep it general.” So the fund closed with: “Investing can be a journey. Mine has a lot of paperwork and one very patient investor.”
After the show, the fund received three fan letters, two redemption requests, and a request to perform at a tax seminar. It accepted the gig, provided the venue had a clear risk disclosure and a water cooler. Its comedy career was officially diversified.