Ananya had one goal for the evening: to get her credit card’s annual fee waived. She had read on a forum that it was possible. The forum also said it required “patience,” which she assumed was a polite word for time she did not have.
She dialled customer care at 8:05 p.m. A cheerful recorded voice told her that her call was important. Then it told her to press 1 for English, 2 for Hindi, 3 for another language she did not know existed, and 9 to hear the options again. She pressed 9 twice out of curiosity.
After eleven minutes of music that sounded like a hotel lobby in a dream, a human being appeared. “Good evening, ma’am. How may I help you today?”
“I would like to waive my annual fee.”
“Certainly, ma’am. May I know the reason for waiver?”
“I have been a customer for six years and I pay my bill on time.”
“Thank you, ma’am. That is very good. But the annual fee is a feature of your card.”
“A feature?”
“Yes, ma’am. Like air conditioning in a car.”
Ananya had not expected a car metaphor. She took a breath. “Then I would like to cancel the card.”
There was a short pause, the kind used by professionals who have been trained for exactly this sentence. “Ma’am, before we proceed, may I check if I can offer you something better?”
“What can you offer?”
“I can offer you our Platinum card. Free for the first year.”
“And after the first year?”
“Then the annual fee applies, ma’am. But it comes with lounge access.”
“I do not travel.”
“It also has movie tickets.”
“I watch movies at home.”
“It also has complimentary golf lessons.”
Ananya looked at the wall. “I have never touched a golf club.”
“Then ma’am,” said the voice warmly, “this is the perfect opportunity to start.”
She laughed, despite herself. The conversation continued for another twenty minutes, passing through a supervisor, a retention team and a sentence that began “as a one-time exception.” In the end, the fee was waived for the year.
Ananya hung up and checked the time. It was 8:47. She had spent forty-two minutes to save ₹999, which worked out to about ₹1,400 an hour. It was, she realised, the best hourly rate she had ever earned.
Then her phone buzzed with a message from the bank. “Congratulations! You are eligible for a Platinum upgrade.”